I got an interesting call recently from an executive recruiter who was checking a reference on a guy I used to work with. We were both senior-level managers at the same company for several years. I hadn’t seen or thought much about “Bob” since I left the company a long time ago. But as soon as the recruiter mentioned his name and asked me what I thought, I had an instant reaction. What an [insert noun describing posterior body part here]. I remembered reaching out to Bob a number of years ago with an email and getting, how do you say in English, blown off? Which wasn’t a surprise when I reflected on Bob’s demeanor at work.

I didn’t tell the recruiter that Bob was a jerk (you thought I was going to say something else, right?).  I did note that Bob had a strong intellect but  no humility; was very focused but had no people skill; could produce great work alone but with others, not so much. Which could all be a perfect combination depending on the job, which in this case was the chief operating officer of a large company.

So what’s my point?

Life is long. Will my appraisal be meaningful as Bob seeks his next job? Probably not. But it would not have cost Bob, and it will not cost you, a dime just to be nice to people in your business dealings. One day you will meet them again, or someone else will ask them about you, and perhaps their viewpoint will be the one that tips you to a huge success, or to be passed over. 

Use your emotional intelligence to get people to support you, by supporting them whenever possible, and being courteous. I have reached out a hand to assist hundreds of colleagues, friends, and acquaintances over the years, and I’m sure so have you. My effort comes back to me ten times over. Some people describe me as “a really nice guy.” I used to not like being thought of as “nice” because it sound boring. The older I get though, the happier I am that many people think I am nice. It makes me feel good to be nice, and I  know that, because I try to be nice, people reach out to help me when and ask, and even when I don’t.

Tags: career management, emotional intelligence

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I spoke to a group of event planners last week on the subject of emotional intelligence in today’s workplace. The group was keenly interested in the subject—more than I thought they would be–and it got me thinking. Event planners are service providers within organizations—they are not directly tied to revenue in most cases. They are a cost center, not a profit center. The attendees wanted to know how  they could use the skills of EI to improve in their jobs and increase their chances of corporate survival, given the chopping-block environment in which they are living.

So, how can middle managers who cost their companies money use Emotional Intelligence skills to improve their standing in the workplace?

I’ve given this some thought in the context of the seven skills of EI as defined by Genos Americas (from which I am certified as an EI coach). To keep the discussion manageable, I am going to break this down into a series and take one EI skill per post.

First, let’s look at Emotional Self Awareness. This is the skill of perceiving and understanding one’s own emotions. People high is this skill typically are in tune with their moods and feelings, demonstrate greater awareness of how their emotions may influence their thoughts and decisions, and demonstrate awareness of how their emotions may be influencing their behavior and performance at work.

If you are a middle manager/cost-center worker reading this, and you work in a troubled industry (banking, book or magazine publishing, automotive, advertising, retail), think for a moment about whether you feel anxious about your future. Are you able to focus on your tasks, or do you find yourself distracted by the company’s problems occurring at levels that you do not influence or control? Do you have a realistic sense of how your company is doing and whether your job may be in jeopardy, or do you find yourself projecting a gloom that’s greater than reality?

If upon reflection you find yourself anxious and perhaps over-reacting to what’s happening with your company, I have a few suggestions on how to feel better quickly by working on improving your Emotional Self-Awareness skill:

1. Take it Outside. Find someone outside of work with whom you can discuss your work situation. Why should you not talk to someone at work about your feelings and worries? Well, for one thing it’s a waste of time—all you will be doing is taking time away from productive work. Second, by venting to someone at work, what you are really doing is hoping that person can somehow make you feel better—by taking on some of the burden of your anxiety. That’s really not fair and you won’t feel any better anyway. And another reason: it’s just good corporate politics not to be a downer. Being “up” at work is a much smarter strategy in every regard. So by all means talk through your anxieties and concerns—with a friend, spouse, coach, therapist or other outsider.
2. Stay on Message: If you can create a brief, memorable message for yourself that defines your actions at work for a period of time (a calendar quarter is a good interval), it can help you stay focused on task. This can be the quarter of Perfect Communication, or Zero Defects, or Innovative Reporting…or whatever you decide should be a defining message that you want to be associated with in your organization. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the same as your organization’s own message of the moment (More Sales! Cut Costs!). It’s enough that you have something to drive you, and you alone. Write it down, tack it to a bulletin board, write the acronym for it on your whiteboard so only you will know what it means. Then live it every day.
3. Be Selfish: People tend to jump on me when I tell them it’s okay to be selfish. It’s better than okay—it’s really important. Selfish in a good way, though. Being concerned about your self-care and health is the only way you can be truly available to others. So take a walk around the building a few times a day (but not with a cigarette!) and give yourself some space. Find a dozen other ways to be great to you and think about how great it feels to be great to you! (If you are feeling well, and are conscious of your own ability to self-heal, you are on your way to being an expert in EI skill #1—Emotional Self-Awareness.

Tags: emotional intelligence

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For 17 years in the Eighties and Nineties, I worked for CMP Media Inc., a publisher of technology magazines based on Long Island. The company’s founder had an expression he liked to use in times such as these: “There’s a recession but we’re choosing not to participate.” Those were very motivating words to hear in scary times. CMP did have occasional layoffs during the years I was there. While each layoff was difficult for a time, the company always grew stronger shortly afterward. By cutting 5% of the work force, performance improved because it was weakest 5% who left.

I noticed that among the layoffs were people who were respectable performers in their jobs, but not as emotionally intelligent as others. I came to be in that camp a few years later, at a different company, Ziff Davis Media. I was there for just a year, hired by someone I had worked for at CMP years before. Rather than paying a lot of attention to the new corporate landscape, I insulated myself. I didn’t reach out to other senior executives because I felt that I had a rabbi in the right place so I was free to focus on doing my job. I failed to appreciate that perception management–particularly among high-level executives where the long knives are out of sight but never out of reach–was critically important to survival.

When a big downturn hit Ziff in late 2001, I had few allies in the company. The division I headed was eliminated and  about 200 people were let go, including me. Had I been a more astute manager of my image within the company’s executive suite, my guess is they would have kept me. Not that I’m sorry I left—I didn’t particularly enjoy the job or the company culture—but I could have left on my terms instead of theirs.

So, here is a quick exercise for those of you in corporate jobs who may be uncertain about the future. I borrowed it from the Five O’Clock Club, a career-coaching organization I’m affiliated with. You should do it quarterly.

1. Make a list of your bosses (6-8), peers (12-14), subordinates and clients.
2. For bosses, ask yourself: “What do these people think of me, and what should they think of me?” What is the single message (8 words max) you want people to know this quarter? Look for opportunities to convey that message.
3. For peers, ask yourself: “What is my relationship with each of these people and what should it be?” What can you do (coffee, lunch, phone call) with each?

Reflecting back on my years at CMP and other organizations, I can say definitively that the people who were sensitive enough—emotionally intelligent would be another way to phrase it—to do active perception management lasted much longer than those who didn’t. Friends close, enemies closer. And try to make friends of the enemies.

Tags: CMP Media, emotional intelligence, Five O'Clock Club, layoff, Ziff Davis

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